Friday, September 19, 20089/19/2008 09:39:00 PM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Huh?!
today was lame i woke up .Than i kept telling myself
NO PAUL YOU CANT SWITCH ON THE BLOODY COMPUTER.
Okay than i went to shower.
Than i called pan pacific.
And they said i could like work tomorrow?
LOL?! WTF?
Okay den i switched on my bloody computer xDD
Played maple o.0
So no life right?!
Left house at 2+ went to cut hair
O.0 I LIKEE xD
than after that i went to NY.
Realised alot of people wan quit NY also WAKAKAKA heh =x
All the nice people go =/
Hiaz sad right?
Speechless =/
Hiaz i'm glad in a way.
But sad in another.
all my friends.
Somehow i feel they'll fade away.
but i know 1 will definately stay.
Hilda maybe serena and jeroen?
Bong also i hope.
Other than that i go kitchen only v happy see Bong and Tey only.
Tey quit already also.
Today go take my speakers.
Saw Zai , Vivian , Wei Jie, Hilda for a moment, Ken, Zul, Heh I FORGET THE KITCHEN SUPERVISOR NAME, ella, jessica, kahwee, some new guy. and Nicholas(supervisor) and my "mummy" serena.
okay la soo boring.
Than i came home lo.
But somehow i dont know how time fly so fast now already 9pm
Dont know what i doing sia.
Dont wish to say much my heart is loitering now.
I hate being falsely accused.
I want to help but i'm not allowed to.
I'm being pressed by you and i cant speak.
Why not you solve the problem by yourself?
You cant can you. And you said you've tried your best?
And you shut me out.
So be it lo do what you want i've tried .
If time is what you need i dont mind waiting.
I want to help but i'm not allowed to.
I'm being pressed by you and i cant speak.
Why not you solve the problem by yourself?
You cant can you. And you said you've tried your best?
And you shut me out.
So be it lo do what you want i've tried .
If time is what you need i dont mind waiting.
9/19/2008 02:58:00 AM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
September , Friday 19 , 2008
Jobs T_T
I realised i dint blog today againJobs T_T
As Hilda said i dint go job hunting today.
Felt lazy.
hiaz what to say what to do.
Anyways i've decided TOMORROW AKA TODAY I'LL GO JOB HUNTING AND I SWEAR I'LL FIND A JOB!.
Probably some Japanese restaurant x]] den at the same time can steal some sashimi! WAKAKAK =x
I wish =x haha!
Recently i've been having alot of flashbacks.
And apparently my lag problems is still here.
People said if you like someone just "JIO" chase ask her out.
date her.
But the thing is that I DONT WISH TO HAVE ANOTHER "GIRLFRIEND"
kinda status and den get hurt again.
I just want someone loving.Someone compatible.
Someone who loves me for who i am.
People who'll listen and understand.
I've found someone who truely will and give advice.
Hilda probably Jacelyn and Charmaine as well~
Anyways its late and i'm having a roughly good idea of where to job hunt le hehe.
all the best to me x]]
I'm thinking about my ex.
But the feeling is no longer there.
I want to have a final post when i stop using this blog
But i'm afraid i forget what to say.
But it does not matter to me anymore because no matter how curious i am.
Somehow it does not appeal to me anymore.
She was someone who was just a person who was all words and no action.
Looking back thinking back she accused me.
Thinking back knowing that.
I know that i dint do any of those stupid stuff.
I did have a maple gf while with her
BUT EVEN SO i told her i quitted maple already.
Is that considered flirt?
Considering that i spend as much time as i can with her abandoned everything else for her.
Give up my interests and sometimes my working hours for her.
True i was wrong
And i admit that i feel very stupid and dumb
But was i given a chance?
Could i have been given a chance.
No i was not .
Whats love than?
If you cant forgive, Cant feel the passion, Cant "sacrifice"
If you just cant love in total
Than dont love at all.
Within the 3 months we spent together.
In the 2nd month.
Ending of the 2nd month rather i could feel you fading away.
I told you i was not perfect.
I said so many things.
You faked happines.
You believed in what you wanted to.
I did not have a say in anything.
You can do what you want say what you want.
Because your characteristics are build up on yourself.
You choose what you want to believe and not.
You decide to choose your pride over sympathy.
You decide to do so many things.
If you look back really.
You were still criticising me on the day b4 you reflected and "apologised"
If you really have a heart.
What does having a heart mean?
Smashing a mirror and gluing it back?
Never mind its all over and done.
Just some flash backs and reminders that will remind me how painful a relationship can get.
Loving someone is what i wanna do.
But if getting hurt is in the process?
I rather not be in a relationship at all.
So than tell me . When you said you love me
What did you mean.
But the feeling is no longer there.
I want to have a final post when i stop using this blog
But i'm afraid i forget what to say.
But it does not matter to me anymore because no matter how curious i am.
Somehow it does not appeal to me anymore.
She was someone who was just a person who was all words and no action.
Looking back thinking back she accused me.
Thinking back knowing that.
I know that i dint do any of those stupid stuff.
I did have a maple gf while with her
BUT EVEN SO i told her i quitted maple already.
Is that considered flirt?
Considering that i spend as much time as i can with her abandoned everything else for her.
Give up my interests and sometimes my working hours for her.
True i was wrong
And i admit that i feel very stupid and dumb
But was i given a chance?
Could i have been given a chance.
No i was not .
Whats love than?
If you cant forgive, Cant feel the passion, Cant "sacrifice"
If you just cant love in total
Than dont love at all.
Within the 3 months we spent together.
In the 2nd month.
Ending of the 2nd month rather i could feel you fading away.
I told you i was not perfect.
I said so many things.
You faked happines.
You believed in what you wanted to.
I did not have a say in anything.
You can do what you want say what you want.
Because your characteristics are build up on yourself.
You choose what you want to believe and not.
You decide to choose your pride over sympathy.
You decide to do so many things.
If you look back really.
You were still criticising me on the day b4 you reflected and "apologised"
If you really have a heart.
What does having a heart mean?
Smashing a mirror and gluing it back?
Never mind its all over and done.
Just some flash backs and reminders that will remind me how painful a relationship can get.
Loving someone is what i wanna do.
But if getting hurt is in the process?
I rather not be in a relationship at all.
So than tell me . When you said you love me
What did you mean.
6 MORE DAYS till 108 days after our break up.
I still count.
I still remember.
I still feel the pain of the broken promise.
But whats done is done.
I still remember you saying you would be there for me.
I still remember those soft hands.
I remember those warm hugs.
I remember those passionate kisses.
But remembering is not going to do me any good is it?
So i'm going to leave it all behind.
And i'll just say one final good bye.
I still count.
I still remember.
I still feel the pain of the broken promise.
But whats done is done.
I still remember you saying you would be there for me.
I still remember those soft hands.
I remember those warm hugs.
I remember those passionate kisses.
But remembering is not going to do me any good is it?
So i'm going to leave it all behind.
And i'll just say one final good bye.
Thursday, September 18, 20089/18/2008 12:01:00 AM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Devotion vs Commitment vs Responsibility - I'LL POST LATER GAMING STILL XD
Whats the meaning of devotion , Commitment and responsibility?
What do these words mean to begin with?
I'm devoted to our relationship.
I'm commited to my religion.
But i'm responsible for my job?
Lets say if they clash what would you do?
A 1million dollars contract of your OWN company that decides if it sustains or falls?
A religious ceremony that decides your "fate" - OKAY THATS BULL SHIT =x
Or whether you would lose the woman/man of your life
What would you do?
Actually these questions you ask your heart can liao
Its super "obvious" right?
Maybe? maybe not.
Would you be responsible for your own actions only?
Have you though about the foundations ? Those people working and lives that might change if your company collasps?
Be devoted to just your one and only spouse?
Or go flirt around making out with others for your own "BENIFIT" or pleasure?
And Commited to what you were "born into" or your choosen path?
Or just do what you feel like doing or be lazy and say never mind la can do it some other time?
Okay never mind i'm just mixing everything up.
No matter what hits you how hard.
Think properly Than make a decision that you wont regret.
A decision that's for yourself.
Look after yourself 1st than you can look after others.
I'm having alot of flash backs as well as visions.
PLEASE STOP IT -.-
My stupid wacko mind just cant stop freaking thinking can it.
Got my new pair of spects today.
Think it looks slightly like goggles but it makes me look very sharp.
Haven tested the it yet.
Dont know what they call it but its supposed to change colour o.0!
the lens changes colour!
SO COOL RIGHT lol .
Zzzz actually i dint need such a pair of spects.
Just for fun.
hiaz. never mind ba.
Its an investment.
Soo bored i played my entire day away.
Tml i go job hunt again .
Hope i can find something good x]]
9/18/2008 12:01:00 AM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
i just realised i dint post yesterday~! OMG LOL and that was like 2 mins ago =/
Tuesday, September 16, 20089/16/2008 07:27:00 PM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Unstable =x
Nyaa -.- I'm sickI'm still sick
And i'm still sick.
Think its because of sugar?
Or was it because of the spicy noodles i ate for lunch?
ROAWR I DONT EVEN KNOW HAHAHAHAHA
Sick sick.
My specs are doneee.
They messaged me o.0!
SOO COOL LA =X
All my "IMPT" friends not online.
Hiaz no one to talk to..
I'm bored.
Where's Charmaine, Jasmine, Hilda, Larry, Sylvie and the motha fcker =x
WHO IS IN ARMY.
Hahaha orbi phone no bat and money ORBIII!!
xD
I'm bored.
I'm having a fever.
I'm hot o.0
I'm sick.
BUT I DONT CAREEE.
I dreamt about my ex and charmaine AND Hilda yesterday? O.o!?
Soo weird and freaky.
Zzzzz its like %^&*()_&^%$%^&*(&^%$%^&*(&^%$%^&*(*&^%$
Too bad i cant say anything HEHE
Okay that was only about my ex.
Charmaine and Hilda was nice remembered yesterday and the time i met charmine x]
Both at bugis and at Hougang.Dont know what that stupid shopping mall called la.
I'm gonna rest for now.
So much for me crapping online again whee~
Laterss~
Monday, September 15, 20089/15/2008 08:37:00 PM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Monday , September 15 , 2008
Shopping!
Woke up today.Shopping!
Mapled.
Than I sorta asked hilda out?
Or did she ask me?
OKAY WE ASKED EACH OTHER OUT
lols.
She came all the way down to queenstown just to buy my spects with me
OMGGGG lols 1st time go shopping with a girl =x
ALONE SOMMORE
OMG OMG OMG =X
HAHAHAHA =x
Maybe not 1st time.
Sylvie got go with me b4
Still got who ah?
I dont remember la so rare and sooo like never that i go shopping.
Than bought my spects.
O.0 she chose for me x]]
Anyways i spent like 350 dollars today -.-
LUCKY STILL GOT 3 diget in bank x]]
ROFL soo funny la.
Than We talked abit
But i know time was not on our side.
She had to be home for dinner and stuff.
And YES MY HOUSE CAN SEE INDONESIA! wanna bet? squint ur eyes and see this!
North is m'sia . South is Indonesia.Hahah damm funny laa. Whatevaa!!
Den either ways we talked about a few things.
Hey hey i know all your problems liao HAHAHAHA
But still -.-
I dint actually LIKE ASK
But i "asked" indirectly
And you said the rest yourself so dont say me hor!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
But i understand how you feel to a certain extend.
Just set ur mind straight ba thats all -.-
I'm so excited about my new spects la.
Heheheh.
Yeah lets hope time flies and i can wear them soon xD
9/15/2008 12:58:00 AM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
SHITTY
Yesterday work was quite okay till Ken started some SUPERVISOR nonsense.
Than everyone become super moody and cocky.
Bong decided to take a stand.
I'm just following orders.
And it was my last day there anyways.
Hmmm.
Whats said there remains there i cant say anymore.
NYDC is really a cock up place -.-
Lousy management now as if they not earning enough
They want to cut staff and they want to cut HOURS as well?
WTF LO you got see how much they earn per plate of rice sold?!
DUMB FUCK'S
Glad i left but i'm sad that i've to leave behind my friends.
Today talked to a very moody hilda.
Okay i dont wish to eleborate but it totally sucked.
I dont want to say anything already la.
But if hilda you read this i've nothing much to say just that i'm sorry for saying so much.
And i hope that you wont take what i've said to mind because when whatever you say involving god.
I already feel super guilty already thats why you should not mix around me .
Because true i do treat you as a very close friend or someone i know i can rely on and trust as well.
But when it comes to this kinda sensitive issues that might change you totally
And if its about religion i really dont wanna play a part of get in your way.
I dont want you to blame yourself
I dont want you to say things that are not true and manipulate yourself.
And those around you as well.
I've things in my head that are so contradicting.
I've things that i've yet to find out.
I've so many things i've yet to do also.
Dont be like me
Friends are there for one another
I'm still reading your book.
I promise to return it in good condition.
But for now i just want you to know IF YOU READ THIS.
That Life has much more to offer so dont make hastey and stupid decisions.
i'm 1cm close to breaking up, 1cm close to leaving the house tonight, 1cm close to killing myself, 1cm close to thinking God aint real. with all this, how can i not screw up tml?
If I'm the cost for all of these things than i would rather take everything i've said back and you live a happy life without thinking about so much.
Leave the thinking to me and enjoy your life ma -.-
You're still young!
AND you've got a bright future.
I'm thinking about your card you gave me.
Just tell me everything?
Naw maybe its best to leave you alone.
But why am i still talking to you.
Zzzz i dont have any intentions.
I dont have any thing to prove or say.
Maybe its just because i'm feeling guilty?
Guilty of making you feel sad right now?
I really dont know la
WHATEVER.
- ANNOYING! FRUSTRATING! DEPRESSING-.-
Sunday, September 14, 20089/14/2008 05:09:00 PM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Screwed up family
Stupid i today quitting need to return what i tookDammit than my family touch my stuff hang hang den now my 3RD APRON FLY AWAY?
wtf?!
DEN NOW I'VE GOT TO BEAR RESPONSIBILITY AGAIN.
WTF LO.
I tell them b4 dont touch my stuff.
If touch put at 1 place i settle myself.
WTF LA .
Than now how.
Than they still wan argue with each other whose fault is it.
THAN I NOW PEK CHEK DO WHAT?
Think about it no point la.
Gtg work liao .
Everytime my clothings missing
Everything my stuff missing become my fault.
Everything i ownself buy de also my fault.
Everything lost also my fault?
You all care for what sia .
Dammit just leave me alone la .
My laundry i ownself do.
My stuff i ownself pack
My room i ownself tidy
Okay?! soo i'm going to start my nonsense tonight since i've alot of time.
Screw this i'm going to make a move b4 this shit gets worse.
9/14/2008 12:55:00 PM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Erms? Sunday?
Hehe i miss a special someone to meI dont know if she knows if she's the one that i'm refering to.
Hahaha.
Hopefully things work out la.
I dont know what i'm doing also
Talked with BLUR HILDA TILL 4AM omgg la.
Den i begged her go sleep
LOL
Hiaz speechless -.-
Time to message charmaine =x long time no message her liao
NOW WHERE'S MY FREAKIN FONE.
What are you doing on such a beautiful sunday!
How often will you get a cool sunday!
WOOAH~ today is one of the nicest sundays like in the year =x
HAHAHA called my cousin to go buy spect's with me
Was thinking of a slightly cool "shaded" framless spects.
Since i'm no longer sporty
And another pair of normal spects.
Dam i should look after my eyes =/
Hehe but never mind la.
Charmaine still haven reply.
AS USUAL either she forget busy or some other nonsense la HAHAHAH =x
But its things that are so unexpected which makes life interesting worth waiting and fun lolss!!
I'm bored -.-
Working at 6 later.
Supposed to be last day.
Should i return my uniform?
9/14/2008 12:39:00 AM
Better off Alone
Forgive,Forgave,Forgiven there was nothing wrong to begin with.Its my fault.
Sunday , September 14 , 2008
Hiaz.
I'm having a LONG CHAT WITH HILDA.Hiaz.
Yesterday was boring and lame.
Soo boring saturday.
Okay i dont wanna actually post anything.
Just say that i've alot of things on my mind.
And for once in a long while again.
I'm feeling so empty tonight.
