Woke up due to some excessive playing of noise pollution in my house made by something called a piano and by the hands of someone who does not know how to play the piano well.
Sianzations.
As usual when this kinda things happen.
I CANT GO BACK TO SLEEP
DAmmit.
Dont feel that tired after all thats a good thing.
Still yawning though lolz.
I really want to know my next week's work scheduel.
Than i can make arrangements.
Hehe my hair so long hope i can make it into place so that can work hotel xD
Hiaz but now so stoned.
Yawnz.
I shall go slack.

Diaos now what time liao i still not sleeping.
Rofl i was tired but i no mood sleep
Weather so nice its like raining.
Wind is strong.
Getting rheumatism
Waiting and hoping sylvie will be online
Watched my Naruto and my Bleach diamond dust movie x]
Eh it was not as good as i expected it to be.
Gets boring.
Maybe i have high expectations?
Hiaz than again i bring myself back to the relationship problem.
Even if i'm going to do all these is she going to appreciate?
Is she going to accept?
Is she going to be the one?
She might be the one for me
But am i the one for her?
hiaz. Shit la T_T emo, Emo.

Cant stop thinking about some shit man.
Seriously.
NYDC. What am i doing ...
Its just a place to get over my ex.
Responsibility?Sense of belonging?Friends?Or what i need and want.

I dont wish to shrink responsibility.
But i wish to run away.
But everywhere i go i know i wont be able to run far.
In Singapore where can you possibly go?
Everywhere you go you're bond to go past somewhere you've been b4 or memories
I'm so tired i'm tearing -.-
Sometimes they ask me to touch my heart and ask myself.
I know what i might want.
But is it the right decision.
Is what i really want the right thing to do.
I dont want to make another mistake.
I'm not willing to go through all this pain for another painstakingly wrong action or just a moment of folly.
Than again whats is it that's RIGHT TO DO.
Whats not a mistake.
What is it that wont hurt or is definitely right.
Even following the book 100% is not going to mean whatever you do is always right.
So whats the right thing to do if you're looking for love.
Finding it is more like it.
Where to look.
How to find.
Where is it really?
What is everyone looking for or needs now.
Should i really not do anything?
So many things hidden behind the scenes.
So many things to be uncovered.
I seriously hate this.
To know and not knowing
I hate them both.
I'll go sleep now.
The rain is coming down...

Went to shower.
Than here i am out from it.
Was thinking about Jeroen.
He's the best la.
Ta Shi Zui Hao de.
I wish that i could be that person.
A person like her bf.
A person who can make his gf feel so loved and safe.
Even w/o him being around.
Comforting that girl he loves so dearly as well.
Than Jeroen look up at me.
Cannot imagine _ _ _ _ _ _ _ looking up at me with those eyes.
OMGGG =x
But i'll feel very blessed if that really happens to me.
To know,To have,To love,To feel,To give and to protect those important and dear to you.
I'm sorry for all the pain i've cost so many people.
But sometimes i just cant bring joy.
If i cant bring joy i rather not be there than be an extra.

cant wait to buy my new bicycle and new pair of shoes.
xD
I wonder if someone will still read my blog.
I dont have anything to hide.
I dont have anywhere really to run.
Singapore is so small
No matter where i go i reap up ton's of memories.
Well almost..
I just..
Want to love.
I want to give.
To accept is another thing all together.
I want to have a meaning.
To have a reason and a will.
hiaz. But having nothing to protect and look forward to is like wasting time.
Wasting life away.
And i seriously dont like that thought...

Dar dar.
i miss you.
-Words spoken.
Words said
Words said w/o truth and real feelings.
To say these and still dare to say others.
You jolly know what you want b4 you screw others life up.

Today go work
Nothing out of the extraordinary.
Glad i dint have to work with daniel senior
But it was quite haywire.
And people dont know how to control the orders.
But hey hey we made it.
It was quite fun and stressless really.
Today quite a few people Emo-ed.
DOnt know why.
Jeroen, Shikin.(probably me as well)Oh wells i always emo so what can i say.
LOLZ.
Than winnie came.
Oh and Jaslyn is as normal.
Only winnie Whats "wrong" with her why she wanna ignore me?
Bong said dont think so much.
So i wont.
Hehz. I dont really care though because when i tell myself.
Yes she's cute shes really someone worth considering and loving and probably try for.
Deep in i know who i really want and wanna be with
Therefore i can reconfig my thinking.
I'm just gonna say sorry for all the foolishness
And all this stupidity.
What am i going to do..
I'm just soo sad and confused.
I dont want to carry this shit on.

At around 12 noon.
Than i slack around as in STONE.
Keep pondering about what i'm going to do today.
Played MAPLE omgg..
Than i talked to charmaine, Jasmine , Victoria.
Hope sylvie will be online
I really want to talk to her about some stuff.
Hiaz.
Keep thinking about tonight who will be working.
But its like i dont want to go.
But its my responsibiltiy right?
Pan Pacific called me to work tomorrow at 5-11 Hiaz. If i go i can start working pan pacific next week onwards.
Zzzz...
Decisions...
hiazz. I'm just so stoned.
I really dont know what to do already.
Going to work now.Will post later and be online than~
after 12.

Today was woken up by LEONA.
Great wake me up.
Than i wan go back sleep.
No mood liao
PERFECT WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START MY DAY!
(not).
Slacked around.Go to nukun's blog.
Went to read my own blog.
Watched bleach.Talked to Nukun.
And i was LATE TO MEET LEONA ALREADY.
Hehehehe =xx
Okay shhh shes not supposed to know i was late cas i told her i would wait for her.
Than i Took bus 145.
Shit man i alighted 1 stop earlier.
Never mind walk walk 5 mins. Reach liao meet her and her friend.
Wah lau eh they dam psyco sia.
Laugh and laugh one.
I also bei tahan just giggle and laugh.
Say go Tiong watch movie.
Than after that say go greatworld-Plaza? i dont know
I 1st time go sia!
Hahaha dint even know that place existed
Eh quite a nice place sia.
Than got 2 tickets for Make it happen.
8.50 each. I treat - > 17 dollars.
No problem la.
Than after that we go eat jap food.
Spend 40 dollars there
Okayyy.
Than "chiong" up catch our movie.
V good lo
Go in liao still showing advertisment.
1 MORE THING THAT SHOW SUCKS ITS TOTALLY BORING.

- Than we had the whole last row to ourselves la.
OMG ALL COUPLE SEATS LA!
Sheet them man
WE'RE FRIENDS.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Okay never mind
Than so cool la
All the handles can life up de.
Den we both made "beds" there and watched our show.
Biang eh She dam what lo Keep put her feet at my face
Biang LO.

- Few things i've managed to "find out" from the show.(Moral?)
To continue in agony or because of a reason or responsibility because you're Fated or Responsible of something*(maybe a mistake in the past)
But are you going to give up your dreams and just sit in them?
Or are you going to make a move and live them?
Hey whats more important?
Responsibility?Goals?Fate?Dreams?Or just following the wind or what people say?
What are you going to do with this 1 life that you're living in everyday?
In pain or agony?Happiness and joy?Depressed and regretful?
Or just people say?
Live life. Live it to the fullest! Dont live in regret or that will hold you back.
Who gives a shit about what others think
People come and go in our lives. Its like that.
The past is something thats happening now because everything you're reading now is already in the past because that second has already passed and you'll never get it back.
Thats the past. HISTORY. GONE. NEVER GONNA GET IT BACK!.Dont get depressed over it =x.
Believe in yourself.Because you're who you are.
Even if you're borned ugly.
Even if you're disabled and freaking retarded or just a person who'se not accepted by society because of your illness and what you're "fated" with.
Take it as your strong point and your weak point.
Some people strongest "strenght" is also their biggest weakness.
So dont be afraid. Dont hide because you're who you are.
Make things happen.
Because if you're not going to do that now.
You might not get that 2nd chance in another second's time.
Are you willing to give it up?
Every step you take could be another mistake.
But sometimes you should make that mistake than not make any and stop progressing in life.
Because somethings cant be reschedueled.
Not for me Not for you.
As time waits for nobody.
-End.

Okay thats all i extracted SOO MEANINGFUL RIGHT.
Hehe .
Stupid 1 more thing LEONA SEE I SOO GOOD OFFER YOU MY JACKET LEI.
hahahahahahaha =x
Than i went to dobhy to find leslie .
Than he got problem with ming hui
than ming hui call me and ask me for "help"
Than i go see leslie at lan
Like nothing happen sia
Who caress lalalalala.
Today play a few games of dota.
Shit la boring sia.
Okay no more lan.
FOR SURE THIS TIME =X
I hope i can stick to my words.
Hehe.
Talked to charmaine. Who'se not in the best mood.
But hey she's agreed to go out with me? LIke after O levels?
I've like things all planned out?
zzz! SOUNDS SO WRONG
ROFL.
Talked to Jeroen about certain things.
Hey i dont really care much about anything anymore. I've already solidfied my heart and got my mind restarted.
But i'll keep to my words.
Even if i do regret them
I'll do what i say.
"A man should do what he say's."
WTF hehe x]
okay la i dont wanna post already so LONGG even i type tired =x

For now Take care everyone~

Once again here i am contradicting myself.
I said how can i find the right person if i dont do anything.
But if "fate" is like dat
Than i'll have to live with it.
But today my cousin said this.
Wait for the right one.
Find the right one.
Just one ONE ONLY.
Just one will do.
You dont have to find so many.
Try so many just to get to the right one.
But what would you do
If you know who is the right one.
But you feel its not time yet.
What are you going to do?
But for now?
Staying single is good x]
ITS ECONOMICAL!

Who said a guy cant cry.
Who said man cant cry.
Whats more important once again.
Listen to your heart?
Listen to your mind?
Or what you want is what that makes you do it.

Hiaz.
Theres nothing wrong with being emotional.
Theres nothing wrong with thinking so much.
These are just gifts to help you get along with life.
And these are the things that make life..
Different?
Wonderful?
painful...
An unwanted gift?
Or one that people wont understand.
Being there for those who need you..

Passionate.Loving.
EMOTIONS! Enjoy them
W/o sadness whats happiness.
W/o being broke whats money?
W/o being failure whats sucess?
W/o etc what would be etc?
LOLZ
Apperciate apperciate..

Today woke up because of leslie again.
WTF LA keep messaging me talk about his stupid maple.
Rich la buy so many maple prepaid cards
Whatever la
You want waste money still wan tell me.
As if i care
ROFL.
Than i went out with Christina to work out at gym.
Went to JP .
Reconsilled some memories.
Bought a set of new headsets.
Went to her friends house.
Than walk go Stadium.
Drizzling.
So we went to gym straight.
I ran 2.4. Took 13 mins?
WTF?
I went at like 12 km/h
But slacked for awhile.
Than i cycled while the girls went to this "ladies" corner.
Hiaz.
Cycled 8km.
I stand i walk "sang nat"
Than i rest a while try some upper body exercise.
Bui Tah Han sia.
I go Run again
Rofl today my leg dam solid sia.
Lucky never crap or give way.
Heng ^^.
Bathed there.
Went to JP alone after that ALONE.
Slacked at the arcade.
JP has changed like 15%?
Since i last went.

Than i went to find my cousin at westmall.
Supposed to watch movie
But in the end we ate at swensens
Stupid sia.
Waste time and money.
Than buy sweets for my grandma.
And went home.

Hiaz. I've nothing to say.
DOnt know what to do now.
Sian.

They say its hard to find true love.
They say you should treasure what you have.
But the thing is that.
If you have more than what you need.
You dont treasure what you have?
I'm being avoided.
So be it.I'll avoid as well.
Lets not make life hard for each other.
If thats what you want.
Than thats what i'll do as well.

Went to work.
Went to pick my god daughter and son up.
And serena's dad sent us "back"
Because it was raining.
Hiaz.
I wanna sleep liao la.
Thanks to those that wanna help but i prefer enduring the pain alone than getting others involved.

Darnit.
I'm getting overly "high"
I'm probably just like a bottle thats shaken up fizzing already gonna pop.
But trying to keep myself under control and my insides out.
I wanna just give up at times.

Probably i should just self humor myself.
HAHA. =x

I'm sad

Slept.Woke up to leslie's msg.
Dint bother replying.
Woke up to serena's msg.
Replied abit here and there.
She said i was working today.
Oh wtf. I dont wanna work lo.
W/e.
Now i gg to prepare.
I hope i know what i doing or wanna do.
Hiaz.
Emotions are humans biggest weakness.
Biggest "weakness"
Emotionless people
Lets not get there.
Did some research of someone.
And winnie is not replying me.
Okay thats it i dont care already.

Stress and depression.
One can lead to another.
But they are different things.
Depression is sadness.
Stress is tension.

I'm only feeling empty and sad
Is that depression or sadness?
I've ways to do things.
But somehow i wish i dont do anything.
A passionate person.
Which is kept behind bars.

Talked to sylvie .
Hey hey hey.
whats wrong whats right
whats true whats false.
Hiaz talk talk talk and as i said in previous tags.
It still comes down to the indiviual.
How strong you are.
How much you can persist and endure.
Self confidence and trust.
How much you believe in yourself and your actions.
Will what others say get to you and affect you?
Questionable but true.

To do or not to do.
To want or not to want.
To have or not to have.
Desires , Wants , Needs
I want love.
I desire it.
But do i really need it?
Really?
I dont.
I just need to self boost myself.

Questionable again but its true.
If we were stronger humans
We wont need love.
We wont need someone there for us.
We would be self reliant.
Self independent
But we're not strong.
"WE WERE MADE FLAWED"

Than again.
I ask myself.
Jasyln should i ask you to be my gf?
Would i regret it?
Would we match?
Would we try something that might be Impossible?
Might it be something that could be something so big?
Whats really going on.
I really dont know
I'm tired.
I wanna dream.
If i could i never want to wake up again.

I had a dream
I dreamt i called my ex.
I heard her voice.
And i hug up.
But in my dream i dont remember dialling her number
But i still remember her number and i think i still have it.
Lazy to check but i'm sure i still have it.
Hmmm its kinda scary to hear such a thing.
OMGG scarryy -.-
Today was another scenario
I had a mind and body concept and a "diversion" that i dint know what i was doing.
Oh my god what am i saying or doing.
I felt so energy less
But yet my body was moving so fast ? EHHH ??
Sheesh does not make sense anyways.
Geezz~.
Than again i messaged winnie.
called her
All no reply.
Ehh i'm starting to feel uneasy and cocky.
Talked to my "god sis" today.
Jeroen.
Cas if "serena's my mummy" den she's my sister.
Wells i actually dont acknowledge them but oh wells going with the flow?
I dont really care none the less and either way i just cant be bothered.
Waiting for sylvie to come online where is she sia.
Probably eating dinner.
Hiazz.
Anyways. Today i slept wake up slept again woke up
Slacked around and went to play at lan.
Geeezz i'm wasting my time and life away.
Hiazz but i really dont care and cant be bothered none the less really.
I'm supposed to know what to do.
Know what i want to do.
But i'm lost.
I'm going to find another job like soon .
Maybe i'll go find tml
but for now.
I just wanna resettle my heart.
Why is it always broken.
I dont think i'm desperate right?
I just..
Wanna hold someone.
wanna make someone happy.
Want some real love.
People might not understand what real love is.
Speaking to them sometimes they think i'm to young or something.
But hey please.
How much time do we really have?
Hiaz. its just gets depressing if i continue.
I really dont wish to continue.
I'll end her for now.
Sylvie is back
Take care everyone.
If you're depressed you can find me to talk.
I did gladly share your burden or help you out.
But if you want to share mine or help me?
I hope you're ready for things i've to say.
Or rather please have answers.
hahahas.. Pessimistic.
-Laterz

I finished playing my Final fantasy crisis core.
Charmaine msged me quite abit.
Heys its very encouraging k?
If you have a chance take it
Why leave that chance out for grabs when you can have it.
And 1st hand too?
Since its a 'New' Day i've decided to make a post dedicated to myself ba.
Paul what are you doing?
Just tell her again and ask her out maybe?
And if she says no.
Than by all means...
No means no.
Charmaine.
If i were to ask you instead of her i wonder what would my life be like?
I seriously dont know how to decide anymore.
Because i saw this TV ad about this show LEAP YEARS.
The show i watched with my ex.
The Love show.
I'm so depressed la.
But hey depression...
I saw this note on my friends msn nick - Yileen~ dont mind i extract k? xD
Being defeated is a temporary condition.Giving up is what that makes it permanent.
No matter what try.Strive for what you want.
Than maybe you might have a chance.
Even the slightest shimmer of hope.
The impossible might happen and can happen.
Patience,Persuasion,Guidance,Time,Care,Concern,Sacrifices..

Winnie said she trust me.
She does not even know me well actually?
What can i really say.
Actually
I'm feeling so stupid.
But sometimes i wish..
I wish...that things could be easier?
My "fortune" said that my life is a hard one.
But is it really going to be that way?
Come on buck up. Try harder. Why are you letting this 1 person get to you?
Hey please some people are still immature.
SO they cant see and understand.
But in time they might and will?
Hopefully.
But will it be too late by than?
I seriously hope not.
Because i want to make a difference in peoples life.
I want someone here with me.
I want to be there with someone that they can trust 100% and rely on.
Make me feel worth living.
Life is very contradicting..
My life are filled with so many questions.
And - side answers.
Some maybe i dont want to accept.
Some i'm just pushing aside because i fear the worse.
Some i just keep in thought.

Watched my final fantasy game.
People live People die.
We follow the cycle of life.
So within this life.
This years of living.
What is it that you're doing to make it worth it?
What are you contributing to this earth?

But fear overwhelms.
Fear is something that needs to be concerned.
Words and saying things are easier said than done.
Come on buck up.
I need to make a poster to tell me to FEAR LESS.
Things aside for now.
I just want to probably ask Jas out.
Winnie i might need some help.
Support me?Or just watch?Hiaz.

Today went photo taking.
Today i was totally extra-ed
Today i dont feel like blogging.
Today i shall end here.
Today was a horrible day.

Somehow i just feel restless.
So slack, sleepy.
No energy yet i wanna just let myself go crazy.
But my body and mind are both weak and tired.
I'm removing her from my mind bit by bit.
Time is passing slowly.
Feel like asking her..
Feel like doing something.
Sometimes i just wanna hug her and say I like you.
But when i look into those eyes.
Just those eyes that dont wanna look into mine as well.
What is it thats really going on and happening?
Maybe i should tell her?
Hiaz i feel so broken la.
Pauline told me to just jio her.
Hiaz if it was that easy.
I wish.
I just msged winnie, I hope she replies.
Charmaineeeee.. Helpp meee
Jeremy talk to me lei.
I ned company.
I need help and advice.
I'm super annoyed with so many things right now
Basically myself.
I dont blame anyone.
Its just me and my freaking stupid mindsets and concepts and logics.
Shit man.

June 15, 2008
June 22, 2008
June 29, 2008
July 6, 2008
July 13, 2008
July 20, 2008
July 27, 2008
August 3, 2008
August 10, 2008
August 17, 2008
August 24, 2008
August 31, 2008
September 7, 2008
September 14, 2008
September 21, 2008
December 20, 2009

My Thoughts
My Extras

http://null-boi.blogspot.com/

On Crap N some histroy
Just some extra feel over there =x